Ladies, Please spare a minute before you innocuously blurt out 'When's the good news?'

For those of you who have no idea about 'the good news' that I am talking about, its not neither about an achievement of passing an exam with A Grade nor its about the new job in a top-notch company, but for Indian women, it questions their ability to accomplish two things in life - if you are unmarried, when is the D-day?

If married when are you planning to get pregnant?

A very casual, spontaneous question directed at someone who is already having a hard time trying to conceive and made sure that this is within the earshot of the other ladies around - Its more than a social faux pas.

When you scale all the horrible things in life, infertility/inability to conceive ranks galaxies away from the worst. I loved kids. After marriage when I was all set to have one, I thought it would happen naturally and didn't want to go work about having them.

Six months gone. There were no signs of pregnancy, and people around suggested me that I consult a gynaecologist. The negative pregnancy tests didn't wreck me in the first few months. I extensively read so many articles to convince myself and justify my thinking that it sometimes took months. In fact, I was so excited. I was obsessively googling all the 'early pregnancy symptoms' and I believed on many occasions that every twinge and niggle I felt was a sign of being pregnant.

Two weeks of every month for over the next year posed a kind of torture and I grew jittery as I waited to see if things had worked out at least that month, avoiding all the foods that the family & friends suggested to stay away from. But the double line in the pregnancy kit never appeared. Those were the darkest months, the months of realisation that this may not succeed as I thought. I felt scared and furious at the same time. Sadly, in a society like ours, to redeem your existence, to establish your femininity and to prove that your life is worth living, you need to deliver the 'good news' as soon as you are married. Everything else you achieve and accomplish remains inconsequential!

There were stories of super-fertile moms, that I had to patiently listen. These moms had a delight in expressing how fast they got pregnant and I started feeling left out, lonely, depressed and pained, everything that I felt, I would never go through at that point of life. As I witnessed the euphoria of women who had just delivered, I compared their body with mine, thinking how my body had betrayed me, and how their body was built specifically to accomplish one thing that I couldn't. I felt tossed away from my friends, as they embarked on a new phase of life, that I could only imagine.

Every baby I met was a constant reminder of what I desperately wanted, but didn't have. I even reduced talking to friends who had kids and sometimes avoided attending ceremonies with pregnant moms as they would be discussing about the arrival of their bundle of joy. My body had not just betrayed me, but my husband and everyone in the family, as they had to patiently endure all the questions and advice on what we are supposed to do and what not to.

I avoided attending family gathering, functions and occasions as insisted by my husband. Not that he considered me inauspicious/inferior, but that he had to convince me every time that I am normal like any other woman and he had really hard days wiping out the teary floodgates that gush out after someone enquired the status of the process in progress at such gatherings. As we approached the 1- year mark, I was more anxious that I would be labeled 'infertile' as the textbooks read.

The once outgoing, confident girl had to hide behind the walls because her inability to conceive questioned the very existence. My husband remained calm and composed, and it was he who was constantly trying to bring back the charm in my life. He told me often that we were together in the journey and assured me that I would not be left out, just because I couldn’t deliver the good news in time. We started traveling around to have some peace of mind that it later turned out to be our routine - Packed our lives into a backpack and wandered through mighty glaciers, lofty mountains, turquoise beaches for the next few months, taking a break from all the follicular studies, scans and medicines. I realized that life is much more than having a kid. I felt refreshed. I was all set to the next phase of treatments.

I am forever indebted to Dr. Kannaki Uthararaj, a gem of a person whom I met when I was looking for a doctor to undergo assisted conception. She imbibed in me, the much-needed positivity, confidence and patience to sail through the turbulence. All the scans and blood reports suggested that I ovulate and I am still fertile enough to conceive. It was in the third cycle of medicines, that I conceived and words could never do justice to how it felt when the ‘good news’ came in.

So ladies when you are craving to ask someone 'When's the good news?', pause for a minute and remember you could be asking this to someone who is already in silent pain, through the trauma of miscarriage/having a tough time to conceive, that you have no idea about.

Don’t feel bad when your friend who’s struggling to conceive, doesn’t make it to your baby shower, trust me, It hurts just walking past the baby section at the malls.

Don’t complain about your pregnancy or your kids to her. I am sure she is prepared to do anything to be in your shoes.

Don’t take it personally, that she isn’t too much excited when she gets to know that you are carrying. Probably, She is anxious and wondering why she is unable to.

Don’t ask her if she is pregnant every time when she’s sick. She just puts her thoughts around ‘What if’; Just to be shattered in the upcoming week!

How I wish I could’ve handled that better! So to all the women out there, having tough times with conception, I know it hurts but the best thing to do is to embrace this phase. You’re no less a woman just because you couldn’t deliver the good news on time. Cherish your vision, dreams, desire, and aspirations, as they are the children of our lives. Move confidently in the direction of your own goals and dreams; Live and lead a life like anybody else can only dream about! Trust me, they are your ultimate achievements!